A Lobbyist’s Guide to Pig Ague

Cautionary e-mails are going out all around the nation because of the swine flu outbreak, messages telling people how to avoid being exposed.

Most of the instructions are common sense, but it seems to us there should be special guidelines for the D.C. trade associations. No, nothing about the jokes about earmarks and legislative pork, which have already been beaten to death.

Just reasonable guidelines because of all the personal, face-to-face communication that lobbyists do. Thus…

  • No rubbing elbows.
  • Truffles are safe to consume.
  • Let that Mexican truck issue settle out for a few weeks.
  • Contracting swine fever is NOT an excuse for swinish behavior.
  • That swill you call coffee? Not dangerous.
  • You can still put lipstick on a pig, but for goodness sakes, don’t kiss it.

That’s all, folks!

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