Palos, Spain, August 25, 1492 — In a new poll announced by Their Royal Highnesses King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, a majority of Spaniards polled said they believe that the world is flat. The survey — sponsored by the Flat Earth Society — found that a full 70% of our countrymen believe that famed sailor Christopher Columbus is destined to sail off the edge of the earth. By a margin of 2 to 1, Spaniards believe Columbus is foolhardy to undertake this venture.
It appears that some Spaniards were swayed in their opinion by “Una Verdad Inoportuna” (loosely translated: “An Inconvenient Truth”) a new play by Alfonso V, a political rival of King Ferdinand. The play — which has been performed throughout the kingdom — proves conclusively that all 15th century scientists have reached consensus on the fact that the world is indeed flat, even though some skeptics remain. Most skeptics are funded by the shipbuilding industry, and thus their conclusions are viewed with disdain by the Flat Earth Scientific community.
Of late, town criers and leafleteers have been touting the flat earth theory. “It’s dangerous to take a poll on scientific matters” said seaman Columbus. “After all, they are relying on the opinion of a few people, fanned by the frenzy of the theater and the leafleteers.” Concluded Columbus, “We should leave the matters of opinion to the pollsters and matters of science to the scientists”, adding, “There is real evidence that the world is indeed round.”
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