Global Warming: You’re Gonna Need a (Rising) Ocean of Calamine Lotion

By May 31, 2006Global Warming

You’ve probably seen this by now as it’s making the rounds in the mainstream media (MSM): A new study has found that higher CO2 levels in the atmosphere will cause poison ivy to grow faster and bigger. Here’s a story about it from AP, noting that the study will appear in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences this week.

We don’t make this stuff up.

OK, but here’s the rub (WARNING: Do not rub up against poison ivy): Take a look at this, the list of articles in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences this week. Any of ’em make sense to you? How on (this warming or cooling) earth does this story make it to the MSM? Think hysteria. It’s the only explanation. Next thing you know, global warming will be the cause of gators gone wild.

As for the science of all this, to be fair, if the globe is warming, wouldn’t there presumably be benefits, like fewer traffic accidents caused by ice? More lush plant — and vegetable and crop — growth? Will no one adapt? Yet all you read and hear about are stories like this, or rising sea levels or baby polar bears pitching off of ice floes. In other words, if you’ve not been paying attention to the global warming story, if you’ve not yet bought into the hysteria, how ’bout a little poison ivy in your shorts, huh? Maybe that’ll grab your attention!

In any event, thanks to Carter Wood for the title of this piece, cribbed from an old Coasters song. Somebody pass the calamine lotion, and check the thermostat.