Friday Follies: Merry, uh… Happy, uh… Oh, Forget It…..

By December 23, 2005Friday Follies

Friday FolliesThis came over the transom to us today from one of our manufacturing association allies. We pass it along to you as a public service for you to use this Holiday season so as not to offend anyone. We recommend you print it out, purdy it up a bit and just insert it with whatever cards you plan on sending this year. It’s a catch-all, generic, polenta-like Holiday (or non-Holiday) greeting. Use at will:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress,
non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with
respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling
and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily
greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western
Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical
ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By
accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting
is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable
with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by
the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or
himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable
at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform
as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of
one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,
whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this
wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher