NAM to Launch Satellite

By April 1, 2005General

The NAM today announced an ambitious plan to launch its own satellite by decade’s end. In making the announcement, the NAM Board, meeting in Aventura, Florida, took note of the sheer ambition of the plan. “We recognize this is a heroic effort”, the Board said in a statement, “but these times demand bold moves.”

The deal calls for NAM-member manufacturers to provide component materials at cost. As a result, this satellite will cost billions less than the off-the-shelf Best Buy or Wal-Mart models.

When fully operational, the satellite will beam pro-manufacturing programming — both overt and subliminal — around the globe 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Using the latest “smart” satellite technology, it will also be able to detect and block any programming from other satellites at odds with the NAM message.

Launch is planned for late ’09 from a specially-built launch pad to be constructed on the roof of the NAM headquarters in Washington, DC. Thanks to leading recycling technology from America’s manufacturers, the payload will actually be delivered by millions of pages of regulations from the Federal Register. Still to be determined is whether this one-way trip will be manned with volunteers from the trial bar.